Sometimes we need to offer ourselves permission to fall apart. Not so that we can bleed our hurts and trauma all over others, but rather so that we can come back together, often in ways that only Christ could imagine for us. Waiting can be so uncomfortable for us, but as we linger in the dark and broken places, Christ offers grace, mercy, forgiveness, and love. Resting in the sacred place between our wounding and learning it’s lessons is an opportunity for us to have a spiritual awakening. When the Heart Waits, by Sue Monk Kidd, is a powerful opportunity to be ushered into waiting in the pain and to actually welcome it as a sacred space.
When a caterpillar first emerges its focus is finding nourishment and avoiding predators. Similar to the caterpillar, humans desire the same thing - nourishment and safety. However, often in our lives we have experiences that challenge what we view as proper nourishment as well as our sense of safety. These circumstances instigate the development of coping mechanisms, like control, shortcuts, avoidance, and more.
Did you know that a caterpillar chooses when to enter a cocoon? Paralleling the life cycle of a caterpillar, we too choose when we are willing to enter rest and transformation, and it takes an element of bravery. When we allow ourselves to be present with Jesus and allow Him to pray for us in a cocoon of waiting, then in the stillness we are able to tap into His transformative energy. To experience renewal we begin by “positioning our hearts for internal transformation,” entering an incubating darkness. According to the book, this “could be a holy dark”, a kind of “spiritual womb.”
If you cut open a cocoon that you find on a plant or tree, there is goo inside. The process of metamorphosis hasn’t finished. It contains the remnants of what once was a caterpillar and a formula of what could be a butterfly, but when opened prematurely will never complete the cycle of transformation. Generally we try to rush our healing and transformation work. The world is a fast-paced place and we are encouraged to strive for more and to keep progressing. This concept of waiting and holding sacred space for ourselves is work! But “the body is a receptacle of the soul,” and we must take the time to “release unforgiveness to usher in abundance.”
While in the cocoon we learn trust and a new kind of attunement with God. “We can learn to center our awareness in the present” and develop “the heart of contemplative living.” “We wake to inner things, to the interior life, to consciousness that brings us in contact with the here and now.” We get to take the time to just be with God instead of always doing for God in this nurturing darkness.
Not only does entering the cocoon mean making a decision and acting with intention, “emerging from the cocoon takes bravery” too. Things are going to be different - look different, feel different, and affect you differently. You are no longer a caterpillar! You have been transformed into a butterfly and it's going to take some time to learn how to use your new wings. A “new life comes slowly and with patience.” Be patient with yourself and offer your soul what it cries out for. “The soul craves experiences that offer it the rich depths of God. Silence, solitude, holy leisure, simplicity, prayer, journaling, the Eucharist, rituals that touch the space of Mystery, symbols and images, the Bible, laughter, delight in the divine Presence, deep encounters with creation, and the merciful coming together of human hearts.”
I highly recommend this book to anyone looking to enter their own cocoon of transformation or to walk alongside others with courage on their journey. It was easy to read, kept my attention, and offered many relatable stories and Biblical references along the path of deep spiritual direction. It helped me to shift my perspective of “the darkness” and the seasons of perceived falling apart into a new mindset. The author creates space and offers permission for each individual to move at their own pace: “Spiritual experiences aren’t meant to be homogeneous, only harmonious - not in unison, but in unity.” When the heart waits, divine compassion helps us spread our wings and fly.
Published Spring 2022, Christian Yoga Magazine
Unsplash Image by @jcotten
