Written: April 2, 2020 amid COVID-19 “Stay-at-Home” order
I don’t know what I am doing.
There. I said it. I feel like I am scrambling to find order inside a fractal.
I don’t know how to effectively reach my yoga students to engage them in Movement - Worship - Breath during isolation. I have been thrust into the world of technology, while mourning for plans that were cancelled. School busses stopped picking up my children which created a quiet work environment at home. The already challenging working conditions for my husband have been exacerbated, increasing his tension and decreasing his patience. We are a family grieving a life we didn’t appreciate when we had it.
I don’t understand, or have interest in, technology the way some do. I didn’t grow up with it - and yes, that is my excuse. In high school computers were a thing, but they were used mostly to write papers, play Oregon Trail, email, and perhaps, if your parents let you, for hanging out in chat rooms. MySpace started when I was in college, but I thought the idea of social media was kind of silly. I couldn’t understand why would spend time talking with people I would probably never meet.
I got my first cell phone the summer of 2001. It was thick and heavy, the antenna pulled out, and I usually left it at home. I was convinced the wavelengths we were exposing our brains to on these mobile devices would lead to cancer, and I didn’t want to be a part of it. There was an awkward pitch that would resonate from the phone when in use. Plus, the sound on the land line was so much clearer!
I have never stood in line for the next best thing. If my current things are working, then why would I spend time and money getting a new thing? (This answers, for some, why my sweaters look “vintage.” High school was a long time ago!). I have my possessions, I take care of them, and I only update when I have to. If you listen really closely, you might be able to hear my pennies screaming for mercy!!! Yes, I have been known to be stingy. I am working on becoming more gracious.
I guess it’s time for me to update, but I don’t know what I’m doing. I have been seeking different wisdom while in waiting. Now I feel like I am behind the curve and it’s super uncomfortable. I am starting to wonder if I even need to know what I am doing.
If you are right with God, He strengthens you for the journey; the Eternal will be pleased with your life. - Psalm 37:23 (THE VOICE)
